Hi Bloggie... I guessed everytime i said the same things..
"Being a long time since I blogged"
"I know i have not updated for quite a while... been very busy."
Bla bla bla...
i dunno if i lost the passion to blog.... guess the old me always makes an effort to do things, no matter how trivial that thing is...
now... the working adult me, is so swarmed and tired constantly, i wonder if that is the price to pay for that monthly salary.. a senior at work, sat me down and gave me a pep talk (for underperforming).. i tried very hard not to self pity, because i know, no one appreciates it. i admit, at that moment, a gush of emotions came and i was bitter and a lil resentful. i understood her intentions, but i didn't think i was lazy.. perhaps my lack of questions leads to problems. i tried very hard to. but apparently, what i do, is still wrong.
i know that as an intern, u get to be scolded. i am not afraid of that. at the end of the day, it is not praises i want, but at the very least, confirmation i did something correctly.
now, i look hard in the mirror, and i fail to recognize the figure in the reflection. am i happy at work? no.. everyday i fret. did i do enough.. not doing OT equates to not doing work?
maybe i couldn't cope, and have this unrealistic opinion of audit. the number of OT i was frightened to know. the amount of responsibility is scary.. then again, i dunno if i whine too much or i din push myself harder.
my fellow workmates think i work hard.. there is one week where i put in lots of overtime and my fellow workmates just think i am that crazy to commit.
i drink coffee to stay awake...
i think, i am just depressed to see myself like this. i am not such a person. i don't mind workin long hours.. but i think i am not cut out to be in this job either. one of my senior, who previously came from a big four company, mentioned, it is this company culture. audit is tough, but tough times dun last, tough man do...
i guess i am not that tough.. i won't leave now.. after a year, i will. i think that is wat i am gonna do..
agu
